Twelve Step This

My name is Alisa Elliott and I have a problem. I fuss too much, and I take myself waaaaay too seriously. I had a fabulous role model ask me tonight, "If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?" I would change how seriously I take myself and I would laugh a hell of a lot more and I wouldn't think about stupid, stupid (did I mention stupid?) shit, near as much as I do. And I wouldn't spend time stressing over things I can't change - like how to fit someone's groceries into a box. Yep, I occasionally work at Costco, and actually have stress dreams about people's groceries. How amazing is my life? AMAZING.

I don't want to think about my lack of functional relationships. I don't want to stress over things I can't change. I don't want to wish things were other than they are. I WANT TO SPEND MY LIFE LIVING THE THINGS I LOVE...and often times I do. Just sometimes, I get caught in the ridiculous, repetive wheels of self pity, and I have to kick start myself into a reality that actually matters to me.

I used to want to fight about it. I literally wanted to say "yes" or "no", just for the satisfaction of putting my head down and butting against something. All of a sudden, I don't really care about the fight. I really want things to work. I really want a relationship, a good one, that works WELL. I want to pursue the things I love and pursue them well. I want to cease wasting my time being opposing and difficult to myself and just fucking GO. Get the hell out of my own way, and get done what I came here to do! GO! GO! GO!!!