what about it

What I was trying to tell you, somewhere between my own self conscious editing and your girlfriends sweeping sabotages, is that I love the mountains. I love them because at least when there's a physical mountain in front of me, I can climb it. I can cuss at it. I can struggle and push and fight w/ it. When there's no mountain, I make one. I make them in my mind or in my heart...those mountains are far harder for me to summit.

I saw those pictures you took, of mountains in far away lands, and my heart cried. I know what I want, and I was momentarily distracted by an invisible view: I want to climb every mountain. I want that huge expanse of blue sky and sharp, fresh air shot in my face. I want the vertigo, looking out over a pass I just spent inumerable hours struggling to climb. I want the mountains, and I want the people who burn for the same. I want those people beside me so long as we seek the same path. Then, to not pretend we share something once we realize we've parted ways. I want my life, as big and open and undefined as those skies. As ever changing, unpredictable and unapologetic as the views. I want the mountains shouting vertical, holding adamant, solid indiference beneath my feet. I want the wind hollering at my chest, "Are you done fighting yet?!?!". I want to stand in the presence of others who can't sit still knowing there is something else in life that they seek to find, to experience, to know. I want to burn, to bask, to devour, absorb and inhale every moment of my life and rest in the moments of hysterical exhaustion, knowing I am not settling. Knowing I am being absurd. Knowing it's soley my insistance that drives me believing I can only find peace on a mountain top. I want to sleep knowing I am pursuing what I love, even when it takes the shape of 500 days rest and 1,000 consecutive feasts of shite filled, cream cookies. So long as it's what makes my soul soar, my heart full and my senses alive. I want my life. I want to live it fully...and, I do not want to fear the richness of being still, of being in love, and of being loved in return. I do not want to overlook the fact that mountains come in many forms and incredible, breathtaking views often appear in the most unexpected places. I do not want to be so focused on that peak and a fantasized view, that I forget the beauty that is standing right in front of me. I do not want to apologize for my reach. I do not want to beg forgiveness for my hunger. I want to be...and be okay with that...all that it entails...

Something like that anyway...that's roughly what I want (which I was not attempting to tell you). That is how I feel about mountains though, and approximately what I was trying to tell you before I caught and curbed myself from spilling dramatic, proverbial guts. As for your hawk-eyed friend, damn. You scored. I'm paying extra for the luxury of icey cold in my room. Only difference is mine has a button I can push to shut it off.